I have recently had a revelation that I believe is life changing, but before we get to that let me start with asking you a question, have you ever been talking to someone you love dearly and they inform you that they don’t feel loved by you? I’m talking about a child, significant other, or even a friend who you love with every fibre of your heart and yet they say, “I don’t feel like I’m important to you” or “I don’t feel loved by you.”
If you have had one of those conversations with a significant other or child then you understand how frustrating and confusing one feels at that moment. You are frustrated and confused because you feel the love in your heart, and wonder how they are missing it. You may even think they are being unreasonable and so you become defensive. Well let me free you from the claws of frustration and the darkness of confusion! And let me stop you from the vicious cycle of arguing that being defensive leads to in all relationships. It is now time for my revelation.
We have to realize that while our hearts may be full of love it is our actions which must deliver the message. Yes, saying I love you is important, but we could train a parrot to say those three words. The power of love is felt by others in our actions. The heart is where all of life and love begins and ends, but unfortunately it can’t speak for us. It is our actions that others believe delivers the true message of the heart. And let me stop you before you start making a list of your actions.
Before you make the list which includes: working 50 hours a week, giving them a nice home, buying nice gifts, cleaning the house, taking them to soccer practice, and/or cleaning their dirty laundry I want you to stop for a moment. I agree that those can be actions motivated by love, but take a deep breath. What I’m about to say is not easy to hear, due to it involving two things you may not have much of at the moment. No one of them isn’t money. The two things that I believe deliver the message of the heart more than anything else are free. They are time and focus, and like you…they must be present in the moment. You need to make the time to focus on those you love, and cut out anything that distracts you from being in the moment.
As you read through this don’t make the mistake of believing this advice is based on my years of education, counselling, or ministering to others. It is not. It is based on making the mistake of believing my good heart, which is full of love and kindness for others speaks. It is based on my mistaken belief that saying I love you, being in the same room, paying a compliment, or being polite is enough. It is based on years of focusing on the “next big thing” and ignoring the big picture. The biggest thing in my life and yours are our family and friends. They should never feel ignored, and most of mine felt just that because I thought my heart was speaking for me. When I officiate weddings I always make the statement, “Love is not always something you feel, but it is something you do.” And ironically I realized I wasn’t doing a very good job in that area. I believe that would be called a hypocrite. And like me, I know you no longer want to carry that title, so let’s get to the good news.
Actually, let’s end with some great news! For those of you who also have a heart that is full of love and kindness. Your heart has the correct message, and now you just need to let your actions deliver it! You are 90 to 95% of the way home! You and I need to begin spending quality time with those we love. And when you are spending time with them…be present in the moment. Remove the distractions that keep you from making eye contact and listening to what is being said by others. For me, the cell phone is a killer, and any TV that is on…turns me off. So get rid of technology. As you truly focus and listen to those you love it will become clear what other actions can be taken to deliver the message of your heart. For help on what some of those actions may be I would suggest buying the book, “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Don’t wait, start today! You won’t believe me, but this can even lead to a better connection with your teenage child! And it will obviously lead to a better connection with your significant other. Who knows, by turning off the distractions you may just turn them on! And now I finally got your attention!
I love you,